An Embryo Of Love

 In Egg Donors, Intended Parents, Surrogates

11868732_147881085547697_1651321248_nThere is so many forms of love out in the world, that we, as human beings, know and understand. On August 12th, 2015, I learnt a new form of love…the love of life itself. Of course, I knew that I loved life before hand even if it has it’s really down moments where you have to step back and go, wow…like, really? Does this really need to be happening right now? But that day, I learnt love for such a simple, yet complex, little embryo. Their embryo, that was about to be placed into my uterus so it can embed itself into my endometrium, and make it it’s home for the next approximately 9.5 months.

I love my daughter (whom is 8, almost 9 months old) with my whole heart and I would do anything for her just to see her smile, its the beautiful part of humanity, watching the innocence grow and wrap others around it’s fingers, to share and teach us the innocence it possesses. It’s breath taking. Seeing this little embryo that was placed into my uterus made me feel like I was the best person in the world because I was helping someone feel that love because they couldn’t physically do it themselves. I want to say this first though – No matter what is happening in your world and why you have infertility or what your reason is that you are unable to have a child physically and need the help of someone else’s generosity, it DOES NOT change the fact that you are still a man/woman and that you are on this earth for a reason and will have your dreams come true, one way or another. That is why there is generous surro-mamas around the world who want to help, it’s WHY we want to help.

August 12th, 2015 – I woke up at 6:00 am and got myself and my daughter ready to go pick up my amazing friend Taylor who came with me for my transfer, and together we headed up to the clinic and got to travel through the oh so wonderful and pleasant rush-hour traffic (so fun!! – not). I had left a little late and as worried I would be late arriving at the clinic, because I was asked to be there for 10:00 AM even though my procedure was scheduled for 10:30 AM but thankfully, even after dropping off my daughter with my step-sister (and having a quick conversation), we were still able to make it to the clinic by 9:50 AM.

We got into the clinic and I signed it, and nearly immediately, I was in and we went into the back portion of the clinic that I had never been in where I was put into a locker room and given an absolutely sexy paper outfit with the shoe covers for my bare feet. I was asked to take everything from the hip down off and wear the outfit given (including the extra piece to wear as a housecoat so my bare butt didn’t scare anyone). Haha! The best part was seeing my friend Taylor (who is also in her mid pregnancy with her baby boy) all dressed up in a yellow outfit with an adorable mask that made her look like she was a duck – sorry Tay <3 Once we were all dressed up in our duck suits, we were moved to an area that was sectioned off with curtains offering the privacy with a regular chair and an extendable chair you would find in hospitals. We took our seats and I filled out the required paperwork and waited.

Now, keep in mind that I had an incredibly full bladder as requested, but holy moly…I overdid it. I drank two water bottles, and I swear it felt like I had drank an entire case, it was painful. The nurse moved us into the Operating Room and I was put onto the table and was laid down. They clearly were in no rush because Taylor and I sat there and laughed our time away at the most silliest memories, or photos, or whatever we found on facebook – trying to pass the time and distract me from my bladder that was ready to burst. Don’t tell anyone, but Taylor made me laugh so hard I kinda peed myself…SHH!!! *Embarrassing moment*. >face palm<

Finally, one Doctor came in about 30 minutes later and conducted an ultrasound and checked my endometrial thickness. He kept to himself, not saying anything, and according to the ultrasound (which I could have read it wrong), my endometrium was at 15 mm in thickness! Awesome! Hello Fluffy bedding! The Doctor left and we resumed waiting…The nurse came in after hearing us laughing so much just to check on us (which she was happy to see we were laughing it up and staying calm and happy) and I told her that I was in an incredible amount of pain from how full my bladder was – which, for the record, I can hold a lot. I didn’t have the frequent peeing problem during my pregnancy till literally a few days before I gave birth. So she let me go empty it a bit and I peed about a cup out and left it so it wasn’t to bad but was tolerable and still full.

Back to the OR I went, and I took my position on laying down on the table. We waiting some more, before finally, we had a few nurses come in, two Doctors come in, and the embryologist who introduced herself since I was briefly familiar with the other staff. Once everything got going, it all happened fast. It was shortly after 11:00 AM when the doctor had placed the speculum in and was inserting the first catheter while a nurse used the transducer to ultrasound my abdomen so that the Doctor could see what he was doing. He gave the nod to the embryologist and she left the room in the door to my left with the second catheter. About 10 minutes later, she returned and handed the catheter with the embryo to the Doctor and I watched on the screen on the wall down by my feet on the left as he placed the second catheter into the first which was hold my cervix open awaiting the arrival of the embryo.

On the screen, you could see a white line in the middle of my endometrial lining (the first catheter), the big black bulge on the top (my bladder), and then at specific angles, you could see my uterus and my endometrium. Once the second catheter was inserted, you could see another bright white line and then there was a quick flash of light which actually showed as 2 lines (air that was inserted with the embryo) on the ultrasound image and in total you could see 3 lines/dots depending on how you looked at it, and at that moment, 11:17 AM on August 12th, 2015 – my transfer was completed. I was now an ‘Expecting Surro-Mama’. It felt less uncomfortable than a typical pap-smear actually! And there was a bit of slight cramping as I got up to head back to the sectioned off chairs but it wasn’t like period cramping, just “iffy” kind of twinges.

The recovery time was 30 minutes, and within that 30 minutes, I was handed a piece of paper that had the picture of the embryo that had just been placed into my uterus, and a printed screen capture of the ultrasound showing the embryo placed in it’s bedding. I felt so excited. I messaged my IP’s and kept them updated and they were just as excited, even though I think I was more excited than they were, they were more anxious haha! Poor things <3 But I felt proud for doing everything that was required enough to get this far and to have finally gotten to do the transfer to become a surrogate mother for someone – which is something I have wanted to do for a long time. It was a proud bucket list moment for me – a journey. You’d think I just compared getting pregnant and going to be giving birth to someone bungee jumping or rock climbing…haha. I left and got my daughter and together, all 3 of us, we headed back home and I spent the day relaxing with some family. It was amazing.

So there I was; A now ‘Expecting Surro-Mama’ for an amazing couple. An excited journey for all of us, and those who are following my blog here! With that being said, I am going to end this blog by saying not to give up, because where there is a will, there is a way! And on August 12th, 2015 – at 11:17 AM the embryo was officially placed into what will hopefully be it’s home for the next few months, but it was also the official start of my journey. Here’s to feeling and watching this beautiful little “Embie F” (I nicknamed it, yes.) grow! Here is to a new found love <3

Find more photos from the transfer, and my Surro journey on my Professional Photography Page, linked below!

Lots of Love Xx