I Am Human, After All.
Ah, Rapunzel and Flynn. This photo literally represents how I feel right now. As mentioned in my previous entry, I had a Lupron Depot shot on July 3rd. I was forewarned by the nurse that it could cause similar symptoms to menopause, including; hot flashes, mood swings (ha! that’s an understatement), absent of a menstruation, etc. It was all fine and dandy, and I shrugged it off like nothing until the symptoms started all flowing in. Today, however, just sucked. Guess who’s uterus is laughing at them? Brat. So of course, I called the clinic and confirmed that it is in fact normal to receive menstruation after the shot (especially a week after), which they assured me it was normal.
While talking to them, I asked what the shot was intended to do since I didn’t exactly know, I just do what I am told. So, Lupron Depot is meant to suppress (or decrease) the amount of hormone I make for a short period of time so that it prevents an ovulation, therefore bringing the hormone level down to low levels (which can result in the mood swings). However, today my body had a different plan! I may not ovulate (that I know of) but boy, oh boy! My body is currently laughing at me saying, “Oh! You were trying to induce a menopause like state by lowering your hormone levels? Here!! Let me help you bring those suckers back up!! Enjoy bleeding for a few days.” – Really, just…really? If Mother Nature was a person, she would have a black eye right now.
As it currently stands, I am experiencing mood swings, and have honestly felt overwhelmed, for nothing. I have so many mixed emotions occurring with my home life, my business, and with the surrogacy journey all overlapping. But, I am saying this openly and honestly, because I am a human being and I will definitely have ups and downs and will definitely have my days where I will just prefer to cuddle my daughter and lay in bed watching Disney movies all day (if she will let me), but that is “normal”. Every single person in this world, has these days, weeks, months, or even years, because we are all the same and no one, I repeat, NO ONE, has never had some form of negativity or darkness in their life that hasn’t influence or affected them. Unfortunately, it is so easily and quickly judged upon when someone has moments like this, and it doesn’t mean they are depressed or need some help, it just means they need someone to talk to or need a shoulder to cry on, it’s simple human actions!
With all of the events coming up within the next little over a month, I am sure this won’t be the first or last time I write about emotions and the feeling of being anxious and/or overwhelmed, but I will continue on with my days like normal and shrug it off because every day is a new day, and as a human being, I am entitled to an imperfect past but I will look forward to a new future. Don’t hide who you are for anyone, be yourself and feel the way you feel but don’t beat yourself down all because you have such a bad day. There is always a rainbow somewhere, after a storm.
So, in advance, good luck and I am very sorry to anyone I bark at! I promise it’s just a bark and not a bite (maybe). Now, go be Rapunzel, pamper yourself (like a haircut – pun intended, if you have watched the movie) and become a whole new person once again! Lots of Love! Xx